Descriptive Excerpts from Students Vol. 1

This is a post of descriptive writing samples from high school students. Yeah, most of the time I try to keep my titles very uncryptic. Sometimes I don’t care because it’s all about me. Today, it’s about the students from Mr. Scow’s creative writing class at Uintah High School who put up with me and my friends, Lehua Parker and Angela Hartley, while we made some of our first (and therefore rookie) author appearances. I already mentioned Charley, who stayed behind to talk to me a bit.

I will post a few excerpts at a time so that you can savor them. The prompt we gave the students was this picture:

Dreary Road

We also only gave them about 7 minutes to do the writing, and they did a great job.

Hayden V.
This can’t be happening, not again! The narrow dilapidated road, the ancient trees reaching toward the skies like the lost souls of those passed on before.

I’ve been here before, a long time ago. I never wanted to come here and didn’t know about it before the first.

And the fog, that putrid blanket of fog that seems to suppress all sound, all color, even feelings seem to be lost in that foggy, shadowed place.

Walking along, I dread the thing that lies at the end of this road. I dread the dragon’s lair.

Ooooh, this passage is poetic and gives me goosebumps. Five stars for Hayden.

Toney
As I walk down the road, I can tell this is the last time I will be there. I once again am running from my problems. But this time, it feels different. It makes me happy this time. As darkness begins to fall I decide to find a spot to sleep that night. The road and trees all along the road so I find a spot to sleep leaning up against a tree that is the driest. I would usually start a fire, but it is raining, so I can’t.

One of the things we talked about with descriptive writing was connecting to emotion. Toney definitely did a good job with that here. I did smooth the paragraph by changing all of the verbs to the same tense.

Shareen
A lowly wisp in the midst of so many evils, pulling, zipped along the black monstrosity feverishly trying to catch up with the Paladin’s car. A flash of silver, and then nothing.

The Paladin would never know, never know of the monstrosity, never know his friends were gone. Not until the world was black for him as well.

The descriptive vocabulary in this excerpt is very effective. I had to guess on some of the words because there had been a lot of erasing and rewriting, but I think I got it mostly right. Shareen didn’t have a lot of time, but this is one that made me want to read more.

If you don’t see yours here, keep checking back and also check the blogs for Angela and Lehua, linked through their names above.

Thanks, Uintah High School! And remember to enter my giveaway on Goodreads!


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