Descriptive Excerpts from Students Vol. 2

Here are more descriptive excerpts from my visit to Uintah High School with Lehua Parker and Angela Hartley from our author visits to Utah’s Uintah Basin.

Alec
I survived the night and it is now early morning, the sun’s bright glove on my beat up, bloody face. I just hope another one doesn’t see me. I only got one more clip for my rifle so I better use it wisely. I start to feel really sick and get this heavy taint in my mouth as I pull over. I puke nothing but stomach acid. And think when I see it on my leg I have been bitten. I know right then and there this isn’t the common cold. I’m getting sick for a reason. I quickly grab some note paper and start writing:
“Dear Family whom I love so very much. If you are reading this, I didn’t go to the other side. I am on the holy side looking down on you guys, watching over you. Don’t cry. I am your guardian angel.”

I fold the note up and set it in the driver’s seat. As I grab my gun, I put a brick on the gas pedal, put it in drive, and watch my truck go over the hill when I hear a faint crash. I start getting sicker when I put the barrel of the rifle in my mouth and blackness comes over me.

I think this is another passage that connects to emotion. I like the use of character thoughts. This one actually makes me feel for the main character and hope that things turn out okay. It’s also a good example of free-flow writing.

Carson Merrell
A cool breeze rode my spine and a solemn crow cackled in the fog. I crawled slowly to the edge of the road, and pain grasped my knee I glanced down to find only pale white bone shone from my leg. From the east I hear a faint rumble, and from the corner of my eye, I see a bright light rising from the dark.

This excerpt has a great variety of senses. It’s a good example of quality over quantity.

Mason
Panting, running down a long empty road, trying not to fall. There is a light. Is it a car or the sun? I’m not sure, but just keep running. Don’t look back, look forward. Don’t think about what’s behind you. Try to get ahead and safe. Why did I start this? I have no clue. Where does this end? Or am I dead? Getting to the end of the road, thinking…time to go back home.

The string of verbals has an interesting effect in this passage by adding to the sense of urgency. Hmmmm, I’ll have to play with this myself.

I’m still not done posting passages, so check back. You can also check out the blogs of the ladies I mentioned at the beginning of this post (click on their names) to see if your paragraph shows up on one of those.

Working with these classes has been a lot of fun. If you have something else you’d like to share, email it to me at chaggerty99@gmail.com and I’ll take a look at it. I would love some fan fiction for The Plague Legacy: Acquisitions, or some Poetry Poker poems.

There’s also still time to enter in my Goodreads giveaway. Do it now!


4 thoughts on “Descriptive Excerpts from Students Vol. 2

  1. I just spent the last 24 hours reading through The Plague Legacy: Acquisitions. Excellent story, Christine! It obviously kept me entertained because I could not put it down once I started reading it. My mind was racing through the story, continuously trying to predict what was going to happen next. How’s that sequel coming along?

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