Button Fleas

From his button eyes inside his button head, Button Boy watched the button monkeys ride around on Skeletor’s giant purple panther.

Button Boy guessed that the giant purple panther didn’t like the button monkeys riding him very much because he snatched one of them in his jaws and snapped down on it like it was a squishy kitty candy. Button monkey blood spurted onto Button Boy’s face. He wished he had his button body put together so that he could wipe the blood off with his button hands.

“Hey!” Button Boy yelled at the button monkeys. “Will you please put me back together? I have blood on my face and I really want to use my button hands to wipe it off.”

The purple panther caught another of the monkeys in his jaws and squished down on it, too. More blood spurted out, this time landing in Button Boy’s eye and in his mouth. Button Boy squinted and licked his lips. The blood tasted like bananas and monkey poop.

Then Button Boy shuddered. Through his unsquinted button eye, he watched another monkey drop down from the top of the cave of the polar bear enclosure and drag one of his button hands across the cave floor. The sight of it made Button Boy’s buttonbrow twitch.

“Over here!” he yelled when he realized the monkey was climbing up the cave wall with his hand. Then he realized he was speaking in regular button language, so he said it again in button monkey language.

The monkey squealed back at him, and Button Boy’s hand dropped to the cave floor where another monkey picked it up and brought it over. The monkey tried to get the hand to stick to Button Boy’s ear. But the purple panther snatched up the monkey before his Button Boy reunification efforts yielded any results.

More blood splattered on Button Boy’s face. His button cheeks itched.

The panther curled up against the cave wall behind Button Boy’s head and chewed on the monkey.

Skeletor stomped into the polar bear cave, his skeletal frame clattering inside a gray-skinned muscle costume he must have found in the zoo gift shop.

“What are you flea-bitten buffoons doing now?” His skull head glared at all the creatures scattered around the fake stone enclosure. He pointed at three monkeys that had escaped the panther’s jaws by huddling on a ledge halfway up one wall. “You there! Put this Button Boy back together!”

The monkeys screeched and hopped and slapped each other.

Skeletor glowered (at least as much as someone with only a skull face can glower). “I don’t know what you are saying, but I’m sure it’s as stupid as you look. What good are you? I should just feed you to Panthor.”

The monkeys squealed and slapped each other some more.

Realizing that Skeletor must not understand button monkey language, Button Boy cleared his throat. “They are saying that they don’t want to be eaten by the big purple panther.” They were also saying that Skeletor was a big, stupid meanie, but Button Boy didn’t want to say that part because he was afraid Skeletor would feed his head to the panther.

“Hmmm…” Skeletor scratched the bones of his chin. He looked at the purple panther. “Panthor.”

The purple panther looked up, a monkey tail hanging from his jaw. He grunted.

“You useless purple sack of teeth, go outside and find my ax. I think I left it with the giraffes.” Skeletor scratched his chin again.

Panthor grunted a question mark.

Skeletor stomped his foot. “Never you mind what I was doing with the giraffes! That’s my business! Go and get my ax!”

Monkey tail still dangling, Panthor leapt to his feet and soared from the cave in a single bound.

Now Button Boy understood why Panthor had been made into a popular action figure. But he still wondered why anybody had ever wanted to play with Skeletor.

Skeletor really was nothing but a big, stupid meanie.

“Now, monkeys!” Skeletor shouted. (All the exclamation marks made Button Boy’s head hurt.) “Put this Button Boy back together and make him dance! We must prepare! The Pokemon are coming!”

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