Episode 9: Pearl Girl and the Unbutton Man

Pearl Girl pushed the shopping cart onto the grass of Buttonville Park. She had been so busy daydreaming about all the other button people she would meet once she found them that she hadn’t paid attention to where she was going.

The cart was a lot harder to push on the grass than it had been on the sidewalk along Thread Avenue. A rather heavy oversized jewel, the Giant Sparkly weighed the cart down enough that the cart’s little button wheels dug into the grass.

“Scissors!” Pearl Girl swore and pushed harder. The cart tipped over and the Giant Sparkly fell out. The jewel rolled unevenly to a stop at the base of a little rolling hill in the middle of the park. Pearl Girl folded her button arms across her button chest and stared at the Sparkly for several heartbeats.

This. Was. Not. Fair. She just wanted to get the Giant Sparkly out into the world so that he/she/it could meet more button people. She was doing this to make them both happier! And now the cart tipped over! &*%$%#$#@#@!@#!

In Pearl Girl’s world, a few things justified a dig-into-her-gut scream-out-loud tantrum. One of those things was when her make-up ran out. Another was when she went to the grocery store and they were out of chocolate chips.

This was worse. So much worse. And Pearl Girl did something she swore she would never do.

She arghed.

“Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!” Pearl Girl stomped her button foot on the grass and ran her button hands over her button head. When she looked up, she saw a small un-buttonlike man climb out of a shadowy hole in the little rolling hill. The small man, dressed in a red knitted vest and a matching knitted hat, looked at the Giant Sparkly. His eyes popped open wide, then he looked around the hill. Was he looking for someone? Had he lost something? No, he was sneaking around!

Pearl Girl glanced down at herself. How did he miss her? She was standing straight in front of him, and her white pearl button body certainly stood out against all that green in the park. Besides, she was wearing her favorite pair of black Prada heels. Her button friends had always noticed when she wore these heels. At least when she had friends…before she had been turned into a zombie and eaten all of them.

Maybe the small un-buttonlike man missed seeing her because he simply wasn’t that bright. But then again, she had just arghed, so maybe she shouldn’t judge.

The little man straightened his red knit cap, rubbed his un-button hands together, and wrapped his arms around the Giant Sparkly. He grunted as he tried to roll it back into the hole in the hill.

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“What are you doing?” Pearl Girl settled her button hands on her button hips and pinned the little man with her worst button glare. “That is MY Giant Sparkly.”

The little man looked up at Pearl Girl in shock, his eyes so wide they took up most of his face. “I…I…” he stuttered.

Pearl Girl cocked her hip and twisted her hair with a button finger. Of course, such a little man was speechless in her presence! She was wearing her heels! Well, he was speechless now that he finally noticed her. “Who do you think you are, trying to steal my Giant Sparkly?

“I…I…” the little man swallowed and straightened his little red knit cap again. “This, uh, giant sparkly belongs to Darkness.”

Now this completely confused Pearl Girl. First of all, she was confused that the little unbutton man had overcome his speechlessness in her presence at all (because heels). Secondly, she was confused because she had never heard of anyone named ‘Darkness.’ Of course, she knew what darkness was—it was when it got dark, duh—but who would be silly enough to NAME someone after darkness? That would be like naming someone after pizza, or lipstick…or toilet paper.

Just EW!

Pearl Girl shifted her weight and put her hand on her hip. “Unhand my Giant Sparkly! He/she/it and I have been in a serious relationship for at least a week! I don’t know who or what this ‘Darkness’ is, but I will be happy to explain to that character of interest that the Giant Sparkly is mine by right and no one, not even your Darkness, can take it from me.”

The little unbutton man blinked and licked his lips, his arms around the Giant Sparkly. “Um, I…I…”

Clearing her throat, Pearl Girl straightened and glared at the little unbutton man. “Spit it out! I don’t have all day! I need to find other button people so that the Giant Sparkly and I can begin our open relationsh—”

The earth rumbled and Pearl Girl’s heels wobbled on the grass of Buttonville Park.

The unbutton man, with his little red vest and his little red hat, looked nervously at the entrance to the cave under the little hill.

“What was that?” Pearl Girl demanded in her best CEO voice.

“Darkness,” the little unbutton man answered.


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